Wednesday, October 1, 2008

HORROR EPICS: Zombie Strippers

Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson co-star in this occasionally amusing flick that combines a fun aspect of horror movies with the kind of women I seem to have the most fun dating. It has to be better than that horrible zombie porn that I saw a while ago. This movie takes place in 2012, and I'd let a goddamn zombie eat my right arm for a movie that promises a bright future. To give some ideas of how fucked we are, Bush is in his fourth consecutive term as president, and Arnold is the veep. The 87th largest army in the world defeated the US military, and Brangelina have adopted the entire country of Ethiopia. To help fight wars successfully, the government has been working on a virus that re-animates the dead. The idea is that they can use it on their deceased soldiers and get them to keep fighting. As you might expect, the government releases the virus into a small Nebraska town and sends a military unit in to investigate or whatever. None of this really matters anyway. Zombies attack the unit; the biggest jerkoff in the group takes a bite from one of them, and runs off to avoid getting killed by his fellow soldiers. The guy blunders into an underground strip club, and manages to bite a chunk out of the one dancer with her own dressing room. She comes back as a zombie, yet is no less dedicated to her profession. Being a zombie apparently breathes new life into pole dancing (the chemo-virus affects women differently than it does men), and the customers are just dying to throw their money at her. This is one competitive industry, so of course her co-workers begin to struggle with whether or not to give in and become zombies themselves. Fortunately, I don't think this is a question many women working for Mitchell Brothers would ever have to ask of themselves. I wasn't expecting much from Zombie Strippers, but it was nice to see that they went for the old school approach of trying to develop the story before getting to the blood and guts. Along the way, I got a few laughs, some neat gore, and a few hot naked women out of the deal. So no real complaints on my part. In a good way, this is a movie that I'd probably get really drunk to, if I still did that sort of thing.

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