Friday, January 8, 2010

Fucking Oldies

Last week we got drunk with some of the best blues shouters of all time. We’re back at the honky tonk again this week and we’re still drinking, mind you. We’re drinking, dancing, and smoking up a storm. Every girl at the bar looks like Pam Grier circa 1974 and they’re all single and willing. Not to sound crass, but goddamn it, it’s time to get laid. But our usual records for such activity won’t cut it. These ladies aren’t particularly big fans of Highway to Hell, Shout at the Devil, the Nuge, or whatever else you can think of along those lines. No, they need to hear something that’s a little bit less macho, and with more dynamics and rhythm for this all-night pony ride. Of course, we at The Evil Eye have just what you need should you find yourself in this situation.

Rhino Records often does a good job on their compilations, and Risqué Rhythm Nasty ‘50s R&B is no exception. Some of my all-time favorite songs are gathered here—“It Ain’t the Meat” by the Swallows, the Dominoes’ “Sixty Minute Man,” “Work With Me Annie” by the Royals, and “Rocket 69” by the Todd Rhodes Orchestra. Fans of the video game Fallout 3 will recognize Roy Brown and “Butcher Pete Pt. 1” from the soundtrack, and Bull Moose Jackson’s classic “Big Ten-Inch Record” has only been slightly tainted by Aerosmith’s bad cover on the otherwise perfect Toys in the Attic album. Wynonie Harris puts in more than one appearance again as well. It makes me laugh to think that I heard most of these songs as a little kid, not really knowing what the Toppers meant when they sang “(I Love to Play Your Piano) Let Me Bang Your Box.” Yet watching Ghostbusters was somehow supposed to be a bad influence on my budding mind. Whatever.

While these songs deal with a lot of double entendres, they’re done so in a way that’s much more clever than the sexual braggadocio of today’s hip-hop. There’s no mention of bitches, hoes, or skeezers here. Women aren’t being tossed to the side in lieu of the next conquest. In fact, they’re honest about what they want and are having just as much fun as the men are…if not more. This is how it should be. Like respect, sex is a two-way street too.

More could be said, but our Coffy lookalike is waiting with a look in her eyes that suggests that it’s time to tend to her needs. Get risqué; get nasty. Make sure you’ve got that big long slidin’ thang covered and keep on churnin’.

Get laid here.

1 comment:

Miss Marie said...

Sounds worth a listen. Thanks for the report.